The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize