It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
