Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
