can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
