The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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