So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
