The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
