hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
