So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
