theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
