Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
