I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
