Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
