i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize