When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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