Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
