Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
