My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
