I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
the day after is always just damage control
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
