i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize