So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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