her vagine was all disorganized.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
