wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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