I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
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