8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
