Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
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