remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
