nut hugger
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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