So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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