News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
