She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
