I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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