she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
