i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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