Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
