Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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