I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
