there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
