does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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