in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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