He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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