For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
