he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
