Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I have fence marks all over my body
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
