I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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