peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
