Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
