Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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