this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
