You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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