I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
