I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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