I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
