now i know why i became what i already was.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
