You're my little dorito
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
