just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
