So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
