3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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