also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
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