Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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