What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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