Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
