just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
