Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I need to sanitize my soul.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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