You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
